Where are you?
In a non slutty way
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I still have a little drunk in my system
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
