How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
