Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
