My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
