Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
zippers are such a cool invention
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
