hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
