I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
