If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
