dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
