Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize