I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
