You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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