ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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