Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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