it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
