Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
