I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
