I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize