stop calling my apartment porn island.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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