Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
