You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
