She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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