The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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