Church boner. Awkwardddd
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
