thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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