she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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