im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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