Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
