i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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