This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
