How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
