so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she told me i tasted like america
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
