We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
