ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
