Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize