Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wear drunk well.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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