i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
