so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
