My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
