my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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