If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
