Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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