Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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