He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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