At least make sure they are 18
Why
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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