im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
