just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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