I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
