I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
