my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
