based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
