the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
