haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
