# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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