I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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