she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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