everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
