He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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