I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
