note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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