Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
