I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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