if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do vagina's smell?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
