How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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