When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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