I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
