Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They have beer where we have blood.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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