I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
