I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
