There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
