Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
