it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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