I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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