Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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