Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
