I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
