definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
