You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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