I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's just like the Real World with babies
I take back everything I said about communal showers
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
