I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
