My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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