When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're too hungover to prance.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
