so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
