It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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