benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
