I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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