I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
