Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Who died my cat blue again?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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