Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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