Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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